What Is He Good For?
C-SPAN Announcer: We bring you the Secretary of Defense – oops I mean War – live from Quantico, Virgina.
Hegseth: Generals, admirals, et cetera. Today we are privileged to have the Commander in Chief, the Ayatollah of Discord, the one and only Supreme Leader. As his number two, I’m thrilled to present more than number one – numbers 45 and 47 - President Donald John Trump.
Trump: Thank you, thank you Pete. Can you believe how far this former Major in the Minnesota Army National Guard has come? Some wonder why I would appoint a man with such little background in politics, business, or military affairs to the highest civilian position as Secretary of War. Well, it’s all about loyalty. Loyalty to me. Aren’t you glad to serve as loyal officers in my military rather than under sleepy Joe. Come on out Dots.
Announcer: President Trump is joined by three female backup singers who hold up a sign that reads, “Little Donnie and The Dots.”
Trump: Sleepy Joe, huh, yeah, what is he good for?
The Dots: Absolutely nothing.
Trump: Sleepy Joe, huh, yeah, what is he good for?
The Dots: Absolutely nothing.
Trump and The Dots: Uhh! Ha Haa!
Trump: Listen, I appointed Pete cause of one trait. Loyalty to me. And that’s what I expect from each and every one of you ribbon-festooned officers. Devotion. It’s all about me. When I command an American city to be invaded, foreigners to be detained, liberals to be kicked, or a takeover of the country, you will accomplish the mission. No reservations, no constitutional qualms. If you can’t pledge allegiance right now – resign.
Hegseth: You heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. Dismissed!
Announcer: The audience of top military officers from the Navy, Army, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, and Space Force are sitting in stunned silence. Wait a moment. They are rising singly, now in twos and threes, ripping off their insignia and tossing them on the floor. I think they are resigning en masse. Now they are singing:
Officers: Trump, huh, yeah, what is he good for? / Absolutely nothing!