No Satisfaction

Fortunately, the dishwasher died several years ago and neither of us is bothered by having to wash dishes by hand. So, Mary Anne and I no longer argue over the best method for loading that noisy box. Perhaps we no longer have the energy to quibble over irrelevances. And that leads me to think about what is important in relationships.

I have come to think about relationships in terms of caring. Caring for another person has something to do with trust. Trust that if something goes awry, someone will care for and about me. My partner will help without resentment. Occasionally, she will present me with an unsolicited gesture – “I purchased a fancy mix for someone who appreciates a fine nut.” Other times she will offer genuine criticism – “Don’t change the ceiling fixture just yet. We are fine without spending on something that is not essential.” Often it is the how the criticism is offered that makes all the difference. And the caring needs to be reciprocated. Nobody likes to give and give without some valuable exchange.

When all we have is to take care of ourselves, the song that comes to mind is that Rolling Stones hit “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” It played incessantly on the AM car radio in 1967. That was the summer when I was vacationing at Long Beach Island – a small resort off the Jersey coast - with my girlfriend and her family. While swimming by myself, I became caught in a rip tide. I recalled advice about not trying to fight the ocean’s drag while being pulled far out into deep water. Rather, we were told to try to swim parallel to the shore as soon as the force relinquishes its hold. After a few hours, I managed to pull my exhausted self onto the beach. It took another hour or so to slowly walk back toward my starting point. I found my girlfriend and her family resting on their blankets. Not a word of inquiry. No concern. I guess if I had been lost at sea, she would have spent a day or two regretting the loss of a boyfriend.