It’s Okay to Grieve
I should have known something was wrong. How might my rationale sister believe in astrology, of all things. The cause of her mental breakdown lay in low self-esteem after a brutally disappointing marriage during which she was slugged and demeaned.
“He should rot in hell,” Mom repeated over and over during the funeral weekend.
People can be broken physically and mentally through constant abuse. In a marriage, ill treatment typically is inflicted to alleviate someone else’s feelings of inadequacy, unresolved anger, or stress. Lashing out temporarily relieves pent up aggression until the next time. Her failure to timely recognize that physical and verbal mistreatment is unacceptable became deadly when Mary was unable to overcome the sense of failure despite eventually leaving the son of a bitch. In the intervening years, the emptiness from her absence never left me along with feelings of guilt that perhaps I might have saved her, bitterness toward her former husband, and a pall that enveloped my parents.
All these years later, I still miss her.
Her lasting gifts are memories of our growing up years, the benefit of counseling that she never sought, and the essential support of others. For those who might have experienced a suicide, my heart grieves for you. Fortunately, its grip lessens over the years. For those who might be concerned for another person’s wellbeing, a crisis hotline is available for you and that person.
