A Modest Proposal
The Commander in Chief in on a pardon roll having absolved well over 1,700 offenders, including Todd & Julie Chrisley, Rod Blagojevich, Lill Wayne, January 6th rioters, drug dealers, tax evaders, murderers, abortion clinic bombers, political allies, significant donors, civil rights violators, gang leaders, and now rumor is that he might exonerate that sex offending misogynist Sean “Diddy” Combs.
By comparison, Joe Biden pardoned his son and some 4,000 people; most of whom were issued clemency having been convicted of marijuana possession before drug laws changed.
So, I propose that Trump solidify his position as the most notorious president by exculpating Dylan Roof, Sirhan Sirhan, Mark David Chapman, Ted Bundy, Bennedict Arnold, Jeffrey Dahmer, Lizzie Borden, John Wayne Gracy, and Al Capone. But why stop with some of America’s most infamous offenders? Trump would garner headline attention distraction from his economic and international failures by approving clemency to Joseph Stalin, Pol Pot, and Jack the Ripper. Perhaps Trump might offer the equivalent of indulgences for sale to Vladamir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Bashar al-Assad, and any number of terrorists. And to add to his malevolent distractions, Trump might consider extending exoneration for such imaginary villains as The Joker, Lex Luther, and Hanibal Lecter.
How about a telethon in which Trump convenes a televised audience each of whom pays to participate? Participants would be permitted to name someone they want to be forgiven through a presidential pardon. The vast TV audience than would vote on whether Trump ought to pardon – thumbs up, or not to pardon – thumbs down. To garner enthusiasm, Elon Musk would appear on stage running around in a bizarre state with his chain saw roaring. And the event would be narrated by Karoline Claire Leavitt with Melania Trump as sort of a ring girl.
Perhaps some might think such propositions ill conceived, outrageous, or ludicrous to which I might well respond – how appropriate for our most appalling Pardoner in Chief.
